Complicating Matters
by theblacklistfan321
Summary: Red and Liz finally get together, but it turns out that this just makes their relationship worse.
1. Chapter 1

"Oh damn it." Liz exclaimed, before grabbing Red's collar and pulling him to her until their lips connected in a frenzied kiss. Whilst being pulled, Red emitted a startled sound and his eyes widened before he wrapped his arms around her and kissed her back forcefully. Liz smiled at him taking control, which was so characteristic of the Concierge of Crime, but decided to challenge his dominance and started to run her hands down his chest, heading towards his belt buckle.

It had all been too much for Liz. Having to sit there and listen to Red talking about the Blacklister they had just caught whilst his eyes stared into hers intensely and his hands made slight, subtle gestures, which made his fingers graze her thigh occasionally. Liz was supposed to hate him; the man had killed Sam for Christ's sake! But sitting there, watching him, after having witnessed him confidently shoot down their enemy earlier and effectively saving her life, had made Liz weaker than she usually was and her normal hidden desire for him had spiralled to the surface, making her act impulsively on her craving.

As Red felt Liz's hands brush his now hardening- member through his pants, he frantically started to undress her, desperate to feel her skin underneath his palms. Thank god, Red thought briefly, he'd decided to meet Liz in the privacy of her motel room.

Ten minutes later, Liz collapsed on top of Red, both of them breathing heavily and staring into each other's eyes.

"Oh God, what have we done?!" Liz exclaimed, as the rush of desire began to wear off and the full implications of her actions began to sink in. She was a federal agent, whose highest priority was her career, and having sex with the FBI's 4th Most Wanted Criminal was definitely a sackable offense, immunity deal be damned. Cooper would have her head and her reputation would go well and truly through the mud. Instantly she started to pull away from Red's arms, despite her desire to cling to him, and she immediately ran to the bathroom, avoiding eye contact with the tantalizing man currently in her bed.

While Liz splashed cold water on her face, Red replayed the last few moments in his mind. While he had loved what had happened between them, not only because it was the single most intense and pleasurable sex he had ever experienced in his life but also because it proved Liz's attraction to him, he also had to admit to himself that it could cause huge problems. Liz was the single most important thing in his life, and he could not afford to risk her life any more than it already was. Starting a relationship with her would be extremely dangerous and however much he hated it, he had to admit that he could not fully protect her from his enemies, whom no doubt would try and use her to get to him if they knew he was in a relationship with her. Normally Red was in complete control of all situations and would never have taken Lizzie's kiss as far as it had gone, but the arousal she had stirred within him as he had noticed her widening pupils as well as the feel of her hands on the most sensitive part of him, just as he had dreamt of, had caused his inhibitions to run and hide and his desire to be inside of her to take over. No, Reddington decided, this has to end here. Liz, staring at her reflection in the bathroom mirror, decided the same thing. So, as Liz came out of the bathroom with a dressing gown wrapped around her she lifted her eyes to see Red fully dressed, placing his fedora on top of his head and reaching for the door handle.

"Where are you going?" Liz asked, hurt at his planned sudden departure.

"Dembe rang. He's outside because I have an important meeting to get to…" Red drew off, looking at his feet for a few seconds, "I have to go Lizzie."

"It's fine Red, I'll see you on Monday at the Post Office, right?" Liz said, having also gathered herself together and starting to build walls up around the hurt that he had caused. Inside her head, Liz processed Red's hurry to leave and came to the conclusion that his apparent attraction to her had been just that, nothing more. He obviously didn't care about her beyond maybe a friend whom he also found attractive. Liz tried to tell herself that this was a good thing, something she wanted, but as she heard his car drive away from the motel she couldn't help wishing he was back in her bed, pressed up against her, as she ran her fingers through his chest hair lightly.


	2. Chapter 2

On Monday at the Post Office Red arrived to find Liz acting cold and distant towards him, but didn't say anything because he had told himself that he had to separate himself from her in order to protect her. Instead, he gave the whole team the details on the next Blacklister and invited Samar to go undercover with him to carry out some research and observation of the target. Liz tried to hide her hurt at this, and as soon as she got the chance she dismissed herself to her office for some time alone with her thoughts, away from Red. How could he? She thought angrily, all this time he had been pretending to care about her but it was obviously just a ploy to sleep with her and gain another notch on his bed post. Now that he had had her, Red was obviously now turning his attentions to Samar, already forgetting Liz. Liz's painful line of thought was interrupted by Ressler barging into the office, a frown on his face.

"What the hell is going on with you and Reddington?" Ressler bit out angrily.

"I don't know what you mean." Liz answered, shuffling some papers together.

"Stop shitting around Keen, first you two completely ignore each other, and then you hide in the office and Reddington leaves without so much as calling me Captain America, which he would normally have done at least 3 times when in my company. I'm not an idiot, I know somethings up between you, and so does the rest of the team."

"That won't bother Samar." Lizzie muttered, before meeting Ressler's angry gaze and telling him that she has no idea what's up with Reddington, but seen as she's not on the undercover team it really doesn't matter if he doesn't talk to her.

Ressler answered this with a huff before Aram called them both in to hear about some information he had found on the Blacklister.

BLBLBLBLBLBLBLBLBLBLBLBLBLBL

The next evening, after the undercover mission had been wrapped up and Reddington and Samar were debriefing the team about what they had found, Red noticed how Liz and Ressler were standing extremely close together, and he couldn't help but be annoyed at how Liz refused to even talk to him and instead was chatting to Captain America all the way to her car. He was sure his blood started to boil as he was forced to witness the fool get into Lizzie's car, chatting aimlessly about the bar they were going to go to. Honestly, Red thought, if he were in Donald's position, he would have planned to take Liz to the finest bar in the whole city hours before they went, and would have made the best reservation. If this man couldn't do that for the most precious woman on the planet, then he obviously didn't deserve her. Red then realised that he also didn't deserve Lizzie and so told himself that he should stop his jealous rage and go home and drown his sorrows, which was exactly what he did.

During the night, whilst getting drunk on his own, Red promised himself that the next day he would grow up and start to act civilly towards Lizzie. At least then he could hope to be friends with her. But when he arrived at the Post Office the next day, he was only greeted by the face of Harold Cooper, which did not agree with his hangover at all, and he found himself telling Dembe to drive him to Lizzie's motel room as soon as he found out that she had called in sick.

Liz was woken from her fitful sleep by heavy banging on her door. Knowing who it was immediately, seen as Red was the only one who ever visited her at home, she opened the door for him, knowing he wouldn't go away otherwise. Once the door opened Red spent a milli-second to glance and take in the sumptuous sight of her body, dressed only in shorts and a tank top, before facing her angry glare and pushing past her to enter her motel room.

"What the hell Elizabeth? Don't you think my information is important enough to you? Do you think you're above catching criminals now?" Red knew he was being a jerk, but he couldn't seem to stop himself from lashing out at her.

"You're such a bastard Red, you know that? You can go to hell, because I am entitled to a day off when I'm sick Red, and I'd appreciate if you'd leave me alone". Red felt a brief stab of guilt as he took in the dark bags under her eyes, but decided to press on, unable to leave her just yet. Red stepped forward towards her.

"I'm sorry Liz, but you've stopped talking to me and I wanted to try to repair our relationship back to how it was before. Well, before a few nights ago."

Liz snorted, but stepped even closer to him in order to jab her finger into his chest forcefully,

"That's a load of shit, if you wanted to repair our relationship then you wouldn't be trying to bed the only woman on the team that you HAVEN'T screwed."

"What the hell are you talking about?" Red said incredulously and frowning slightly, "I have no interest in 'screwing' anyone else, thank you very much. But for you to believe such a thing is a bit hypocritical, don't you think Elizabeth? After you go to bars with guys right after making love to someone else? Did what we had mean so little to you?"

Liz looked up at Red challengingly, "Donald was trying to cheer me up, not that it's any of your business!"

Red laughed humourlessly, "Yeah right, is that why you're ill today, recovering from Donald's 'cheer up' session?"

Liz gasped and swung her palm at him, but Red reached out and grabbed it before it could make contact, "Careful Lizzie." Red warned, his voice low, whilst never breaking eye contact with her.

"That hurt Red. You've already hurt me enough, don't you think?" Red's gaze softened, but he kept his grip on her wrist, "I'm sorry Lizzie, I never meant to hurt you. But you were the one who pushed me away. You just left me right after what he had together."

Liz struggled to free her wrist from him and tried to ignore the burning on her skin that his touch was igniting . Red, however, didn't let go, and instead lifted his other hand to caress the side of her face. Liz closed her eyes and leaned in to his touch, giving in to the feeling of desire his presence sparked within her.

"Red please." she breathed, as Red drew circles on her cheek with his thumb. His other hand released her wrist and instead gently rested on her waist.

"I can't stop myself Lizzie." Red let out, his voice cracking a bit, just before he softly brought his lips to hers. The kiss started off gently, but soon both of them were ripping each other's clothes off and stumbling to the bed. It was here that they made love before falling asleep in each other's arms, both of them rendered exhausted by the pain they were inflicting upon the other.

When Lizzie woke up later in the day she was confronted with the strong, masculine smell of Raymond Reddington. It made her smile and even though her eyes remained closed, she reached out to touch him, briefly forgetting the worries their lovemaking had brought with it a few days ago. However her hand only rested on cold bedsheets, and as Liz woke and scanned the small motel room, she realised he had left. His clothes and hat were gone, without him leaving so much as a note to explain his absence. Liz tried to reign in the hurt she was feeling because he'd left her again and she reminded herself that this was what she wanted, for him to leave her alone. But this did nothing to help the bleakness she was feeling as she got up and made herself a coffee.


	3. Chapter 3

Red didn't come into the Post Office that day, or the next. In fact, it had been nearly a week since Liz had spent the night with Red and in his absence she couldn't help but go over their time together. Red showed no signs of regret beforehand. In fact she remembered how eager he was, kissing her body all over and making deep moans of pleasure as she placed her hands in his short hair and tugged his mouth closer to her. No, certainly no regret then.

Although Liz was hurt by his stark rejection of her, she made no move to contact him because she told herself repeatedly that this was for the best and that Red's leaving had probably saved her career.

Cooper, however, did not agree. After a week had passed of nothing but menial office work, Cooper had Keen ring Reddington in order to try to get a new Blacklister for the taskforce. Liz prayed as the phone rung that he wouldn't pick up, but on the last ring Dembe answered and put her through to Red straight away, much to Liz's disappointment.

'Lizzie' Reddington's deep voice instantly soothed her and she had to admit to herself that she'd missed hearing him say her name.

'Red, where are you? Cooper's impatient for a new Blacklister''

'And he'll get one in time. What is it with FBI agents barking orders at me and expecting an immediate response?' Liz could hear the anger in his voice. 'Do you all not realise that I have many thriving businesses to attend to? I can't just drop everything just because Assistant Director Harold Cooper has forgotten how to catch criminals on his own'

This was starting to make Liz angry because she knew his big speech was a cover up to disguise the fact that he didn't want to see her.

'I'd think you're immunity deal and the fragile balance it's held on would mean that keeping the FBI happy would be you're number one priority', she retorted. Red laughed again, which only served to anger Liz even further.

'Oh Lizzie, this arrangement requires that I keep things going on both ends. Tell you what, to keep you all happy without me here to hold your hands, I shall send you some information on the next Blacklister directly to the Post Office. Don't worry, you'll know it when you see it. Chao Lizzie.' With that, Red hung up. This, and the infuriatingly patronising tone he took with her, meant that Liz's blood was boiling and she had to fight the urge to throw the phone at the wall; but seeing Ressler approach made her stop and try to calm herself down.

'Keen, what did he say?'

'That he'll send some information to the Post Office. He's on a business trip and shouldn't be back for a while.'

'Business trip, huh? Whatever's going on between you and him better be fixed soon, the Blacklist is the number one priority and should in no way be compromised because of some silly argument.'

'Yeah I get that Ressler, that's why I'm swallowing my desire to never speak to that man again and it's why my life is turned upside down right now. You really don't have to remind me of the importance of my work.'

Ressler started to see how upset Liz was and because he cared for her as a friend, he softened his tone.

'I'm sorry Liz. I forgot how hard you've had it in the past year. How about tonight we go out for a drink again? It'll take your mind off everything, or at least it did last time' he said, smiling.

Liz chuckled, 'Yeah well, when I have to listen to you ruining 'Living On a Prayer' there's no room for any other thoughts in my head', they both laughed, 'Sure, let's go to the same bar again, I doubt we'll get the information in the next hour anyway'.

Reddington was not happy. He felt bad about being so harsh on the phone with Liz earlier, and was considering flying back to D.C. when his associate's report on Liz's movements came through and he realised that she'd chosen to go out with Ressler again. Even though he knew he had no right to, Red was instantly overcome with jealousy over the fact that Ressler was able to spend the night with his girl. His. Reddington had to stop himself, knowing that his sweet Lizzie would never be his. After all, she was repulsed after he slept with her. He would never forget how, after their lovemaking, she had instantly pulled away from his arms and refused to make eye contact with him. She had once called him a monster, but even a monster can feel hurt.

Three long weeks later, Reddington strolled into the Post Office. For Liz, it was a relief that she refused to feel. Although she wouldn't admit it to herself, she had desperately missed hearing his long stories and witty jokes, but not nearly as much as she missed being intimate with him. Although they'd only had sex twice, the sight of him losing control and the feeling of him kissing her back would be something she would never forget. Every night since she'd woken up breathing heavily after dreaming about the experience. Maybe she'd been wrong to push him away, maybe she should have stayed with him afterwards, what harm could it have done? Half of the team already believed she was in a relationship with him, why not prove them right? Because he didn't want her, that's why, Liz thought. Liz remembered how he left her without saying goodbye in the morning, and how he chose Samar to go undercover with -without so much as a glance at her. The fact that he had been away for three weeks, forcing a distance between them, proved a lot. So when Red entered her office Lizzie resolved to keep things purely work related.

Except she hadn't bargained on him being in a caring mood. 'Lizzie, how are you? You look tired.'

'I'm fine Red'. He looked at her knowingly and she sighed. 'I never sleep well anymore.'

'You slept excellently when I was with you.'

'As I recall I didn't' Liz said, shocked at his words, 'You woke me up regularly.'

Red chuckled, surprising her even more, and as he started to walk over to her she suddenly started to get nervous, especially given the longing look on his face. However at the same time her breathing started to quicken and as he looked down on her Red noticed her pupils dilate. When he spoke again, his voice was much deeper.

'I missed you Lizzie'. Liz stayed quiet, given the fact that he started to reach down and stroke her cheek gently.

'Red..' Liz breathed out, and started to lean into his touch. She was so desperate for his touch that she overlooked the fact that they were in her office, where anyone could walk in and see them at any given moment. Liz slowly started to rise from her chair, both Red's hands now holding her face, and she started to lean in towards him until their lips made contact in a gentle kiss. Red's eyes fluttered closed but Liz's stayed firmly fixed on his face for a few seconds, observing and committing the sight of him kissing her to her memory. After a few seconds or minutes, Liz couldn't tell, Red had his arms around her and was pulling her towards him until she was pressed up impossibly close against him. Their kiss had deepened, and they were just starting to take each other's clothes off when they heard the door open and Ressler angrily exclaim,

'Oh for the love of God!', which made the pair startle and jump away from each other.

'Ressler, it's not what you think!'

Liz started to frantically exclaim, whilst they both started to fix their clothes and get their breathing back to normal.

'Not what I think? I think I've just seen the two of you about to have sex on your office desk, which makes me think that this is what's been going on between you two.' Ressler's expression was angry, and he looked like he was about to punch Red in the face.

'Calm down Donald, there's no harm been done. I was just leaving actually, so there's no need to raise your blood pressure any further.' Red had gathered himself together, and looking at him no one would know that he'd just been making out with Liz a few minutes earlier, apart from the fact that he stood on the other side of the room from her and refused to even look at her.

'No harm been done? Are you sure about that? Where've you been for 3 weeks, huh? I wonder how many people have died in that time because you haven't given us the information to stop them!'

'This isn't my fault, it's yours. If you can't stop criminals on your own then why do you even bother turning up to work? You mean to say that the FBI only functions if I'm here to help you?' Ressler didn't have an answer and with that Red strode out and left the blacksite. Donald looked at Liz, 'You should try to talk things out with him and get this sorted'.

'That's what I was trying to do before you barged in.'Liz snapped.

'Oh yeah, looked like it' Donald snapped back, before sighing and walking out again.


	4. Chapter 4

Liz sighed and sat down with her head in her hands. She really needed to figure this mess out. They couldn't carry on like this. Red may well be attracted to her, but it was plain to see that he didn't want to do anything about those feelings and definitely didn't want to have any sort of relationship with her beyond that of agent and informant. But then again, did she? Yes, she admitted to herself, she did. After experiencing sex with him and the pleasure it brought, she definitely wanted that to carry on, and she wasn't sure if she could go back to how things were before. Liz sighed again, she'd have to talk to Red. Before making any decisions about their future she had to know for sure where she stood with him, and make her feelings known to him, he had a right to that at least.

At the end of a long and hard day, Liz picked up the phone and dialled Red's most recent number, praying that it had not yet been disconnected.

'Agent Keen', Dembe answered, ' Raymond is busy at the moment'.

'Dembe please, I really need to talk to him'.

'I'm sorry but he does not wish to be disturbed.'

'I need to try and talk this mess out with him and for that to happen I have to see him even if he doesn't want me to. It will make things better for both of us.'Liz said pleadingly.

Dembe stayed silent for a few seconds before answering, sounding weary, 'I will text you the address'.

Before Liz could reply and thank him, he had ended the call.

Twenty minutes later, Liz arrived at the door to Red's new safe house, an ordinary looking two-story on a suburban estate. At first Liz was hesitant to knock, thinking she'd got the wrong house, but the door was opened for her by Dembe before she could even make contact with it. Dembe said nothing, but led her to a big living room where Red was sat in a wingback chair, drinking a glass of scotch and staring at the fire in front of him. Without even turning to look at her Red said, 'You shouldn't be here Lizzie'. Liz turned to Dembe before replying, but saw that he had left the room. 'We have to settle this Red, we can't carry on like this.'

Red chuckled humourlessly, 'No we can't. It's disgusting.' Liz flinched at hearing him describe what they had in such a derogatory way, but quickly became angry at his attempt to hurt her. She marched over to him and knelt in front of his chair, forcing him to look at her. She could see the disgust in his eyes, but whether that was at her or himself she didn't know.

'You can't be with me Lizzie'.

Although the words hurt, she could see how his eyes started to water and the utter look of despair that appeared on his face made her think that he was only saying that to push her away, to keep her safe from him.

'Why not?'

Red looked shocked, 'You want this to carry on?' He said, disbelievingly.

Liz could feel her own eyes start to water at his behaviour, and the apparent disdain he showed for what they had done.

'I don't know what I want. We can't stay like this, ignoring each other and then occasionally having sex when we meet', Red looked away, 'but whenever I'm not with you all I can think about is seeing you, touching you... You're all I dream about. I know I shouldn't be saying this, and I shouldn't want to want to be together, but I do. When you ignore me I'm that desperate for you that I'd probably be willing to give up my job just so that I can be with you'. Now Red had all his attention on her, watching her face intently for any signs that she may be lying. 'And I hate that about myself Red. You're a criminal, you killed my father, along with many other people. I love my job, I have a career! I shouldn't be willing to give it up for you.' Lizzie almost choked on her tears. That was the closest she would get to confessing her true feelings for him. There was no way she would tell him she loved him because of her fear that his rejection would hurt more than any other. She couldn't be sure he still wasn't only using her for some higher purpose, or to gain some advantage.

'I can't be with you Lizzie.'Red said, with a voice she hoped was full of regret but she couldn't be sure. 'What did you say in Montreal? That I need you and that I hate that about myself because it makes me vulnerable? Well yes, you make me vulnerable. If anyone were to hurt you,' he swallowed,'I don't know what I'd do without you. Ever since I revealed myself to you, spending time with you has been...magnificent. If I were to start a relationship with you then you wouldn't stay hidden and the risk of you being killed or hurt by my enemies would increase drastically. And I can't risk that, no matter how much you think you care about me.'

Liz was openly crying now, trying desperately to think of a way to persuade him to reconsider. 'Do you... Do you care about me?' Liz asked, wanting to reassure herself that he felt the same way about her as she did for him.

Red looked shocked, 'How can you even ask me that? My dear Lizzie, I love you. You're so special to me, and that is why you must stay away from being in a relationship with me. I will hurt you. I can't give you everything you deserve. You deserve someone younger, someone who you can spend time with and not have to look over your shoulder all the time. You deserve a family, a home, a dog. And I, I can't give you any of those things.'

It took Liz a while to answer, she was still stuck on the part where he said he loved her.

'And you haven't factored in the possibility that I don't want any of those things?' Liz asked, staring deeply into his eyes.

'You might not think you do, but you will with time.'

Liz knew that she couldn't say anything that would prove to him that she didn't want a normal life, and so she decided to try and show him by using actions. Slowly, she placed her hand on his thigh, and after hearing his low warning growl of 'Lizzie...', she dared to venture further up. Not encountering any resistance, she slowly placed her hand on his hardening member, and when she heard him hiss she started to stroke him through his trousers.

Breathing heavily, she spoke the words,

'You're not wearing any underwear', to which he let out a rather strained,

'Too much of a bother when on the run'. Liz smiled, and started to undo his belt and zipper, but he stopped her by placing his hands on hers. 'What are you doing Lizzie?' She didn't want him to push her away, so she kissed him and when she felt his grip on her hands loosen, she went back to undoing his zipper. Before she could hold him in her hands, he let out a desperate, 'Lizzie if you carry on I won't be able to do the right thing. I won't have the self- control to let you go'. Lizzie hushed him by carrying on with her kisses. There, in his armchair, fully dressed, the two made love once again. And after they had done, Liz took Red's hand and led him to what she guessed was his bedroom, with Red to weary to do anything but follow.

The next morning Liz woke once again to a cold bed, but this time in a different room. The room had a masculine feel to it but was sparsely furnished with no luggage in sight. It was obvious that Red had not been staying here long. Sighing, Liz got out of bed and when she noticed her lack of clothing she began searching the room for every piece of yesterday's clothes. Throughout the course of the night they had made love, but it had been desperate and needy, with no words spoken between the two. Liz had to avoid looking into Red's eyes, as the pain she saw in them was too much for her to handle. After dressing, Liz ventured downstairs and planned to make a hasty and hopefully invisible exit when she spotted Red sat in the open-plan kitchen, drinking coffee and reading the newspaper. He didn't look up, even though she knew he was aware of her presence.

'You're still here.' She didn't even try to hide her surprise. He looked up slowly, his face unreadable. 'I think that's where we went wrong last time. I think we should have talked it through. It may have spared us some...confusion'. Liz laughed at that 'Confusion is one word for it. But I've said what I need to. You know how I feel, I want to carry this on. You said you love me and I, I, love you too'. Liz looked down in embarrassment and missed the quick flash of awe on Red's face.

When he spoke his voice was gruff, 'You do?'. She looked up and nodded, and they looked at each other in silence for a few moments, before his face hardened slightly and he visibly prepared himself to utter the words, 'I can't lose you. This is the best way to keep you safe.'

'Red, I don't have a safe job, so why you continue to believe I would want a safe life is beyond me. Truthfully, I was scared of how normal my life with Tom 's why I didn't want to adopt, it seemed so...safe and a little bit boring. And that isn't how I want to spend my life.' He tried to interrupt, but she held up her hand and continued. 'You've been in my life for over a year now and your enemies still don't know about could keep it secret, keep it outside of the Post Office. We meet up regularly outside of there anyway, there's no difference apart from what we'd do in that time together. It could work, and it's much preferable to us denying our feelings for one another and trying to go back to how we were before. Please Red, just give us a chance.' She had slowly become more passionate as her speech went on and she was now breathing quite heavily. Red noticed this, and surprised her by saying, 'Ok'.

'I'm sorry?' Liz was astounded.

'Yes, we can try to be together. I don't have the strength to push you away any further than I have done. As long as you insist on staying with me, I love you too much to do the right thing. I'm being selfish, and I'm sorry', he took her hand and finished meaningfully, 'but if you ever want to leave, ever, then I want you to know that I will never hold it against you and I will watch you go without any complaints. If that is what you want at any point in the future just say the word and it will be done. I promise you that.'

All Liz could do was kiss him in response, conveying all her feelings of love into that one kiss. After a few minutes they broke away for air and Liz sobered up, saying sternly, 'Any problems we may encounter in the future will be handled by both of us. I will never leave you, and you have to promise me that you won't push me away to handle it on your own, we are a team from now on and if we stay as such then our chances of surviving will increase. We need each other.' All Red could do was say, 'I promise', before leading her back to his bedroom and showing her how much he appreciated her and loved her.


End file.
